guess what? the phoenix suns season starts tonight against our arch-enemies, the icky spurs. get ready for hack a shaq, ginobli flops and tim duncan whining about every foul call! one thing i will be so happy not to see? robert horry and his nasty tactics on the court, bye bye horry! i think he retired or something. at least steve nash won’t be thrown into anything this game! oh how i missed nash, stat, the brazilian blur and especially raja. see, he isn’t so scary in this picture is he? just don’t get him mad! and now the game is about to start, bring it on spurs!

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while browsing around at the expensive baby boutiques, i kept seeing cute little frames perfect for claire’s nursery shelves. only problem was those cute little frames cost over $40 each. i decided to expand my crafty talents and see if i could create them myself. all it took was $4 white frames from target, a glue gun, scraps of ribbon and some buttons. here’s my results, what do you think? i have to say, i’m pretty happy with how they turned out. oh and that one photo is of claire licking adrian’s scruffy face, it was hilarious!

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i captured claire’s adorable sleep smile on film last night and wanted to share it with you all. come on baby, smile at mommy when you’re awake! p.s. – she weighed in at 10 lbs. 13 oz. at the pediatrician today, yay claire!

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girly girl.

Oct 23, 2008

pretty bowstoday a package arrived for claire, darling little flower bows and headbands to show off her long brown locks. i ordered them from an etsy shop, prettybabybowtique. trust me, don’t drop $25+ at an overpriced specialty baby store for these when you can easily order from etsy at less than half the cost. i adore them!
as for updates, we spent a good 4 hours at the dreaded hospital today for claire’s kidney ultrasound and urologist appointment. claire was such a good girl the entire time (she saves the screaming fits for home!) the doctor said from glancing at the films that her kidney tissue looks like it is growing and the blockages do not look any worse. praise God for a little speck of positive news! so it’s wait and see with what they will do about the blockages as she gets older. we’re praying that she simply outgrows them. oh and she weighed about 10 and a half pounds! wow. she is a superchunk already. time to ask the pediatrician about taking her off the high calorie premie formula.
thanks for all your prayers and kind words from my last post. it means so much to me to have such encouragment from friends, family and even people i’ve never met. this process has been a rollercoaster of emotions but your comments, emails, phone calls and visits give me strength to keep going and fight through this. i can’t express how i feel except to say i love you all so much.
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Oct 20, 2008

claireokay i am going to be completely honest and let you all know how tough the last few days have been for me. i have been feeling really hopeless and helpless and starting to lose all faith that Claire will be okay. she is now 8 weeks adjusted in age and i still have not gotten that pretty smile i see when she’s sleeping, she also hasn’t cooed yet and doesn’t seem to want to make eye contact very often. to top it all off, we made a formula change per her GI specialist’s reccommendation which really jacked up her tummy. she has been a gassy, crampy, sptting up and crying mess since friday. then, the first time i tried to bottle feed her on my own on saturday was going so well until she stopped breathing and turned colors again. i truly trusted God that we were past that and had so much faith that she wouldn’t do that to me anymore. when it happened i was totally devastated and haven’t been able to regain confidence again. it just feels like that whenever there is improvement, there is then a step backward. i try to focus on the things she can do like lift her head, bring her hands together and kick her legs but it is so hard. i am in mourning that all the dreams i have for her will probably never be realized and she will have significant delays because of her brain abnormalities. i just don’t know for sure what they will be in the future. i wish i could just focus on one day at a time and rest in the truth that she will be loved no matter how she turns out but i honestly can’t. i am so sad and so angry at God still. i don’t know how to get beyond this point. claire needs your prayers to be healed and grow and develop but i need your prayers too. i am having an extremely difficult time with all of this.

The sky is grey and the light is far
The sea is a rage within my heart
I turn my sight to the crashing waves
I cry in the night just to be saved
I need eyes to be my guide
I need a voice that’s louder than mine
I need hope, I need You
Cause I can’t do this alone
Grace, I call Your name
Oh won’t Your smile fall over me
I’m cracked and dry on hands and knees
Oh sweet grace rain down on me, I need You grace
I pray for dawn, a new day to live
I pray for mercy only Jesus gives
Though darkness falls and a million cry
I believe over all there’s a greater light shining for us
Come down and save me

– grace by phil wickham

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ode to lily.

Oct 15, 2008

baby lilylily girl
today our furbaby, lily, turns four. she is one special, smart and super friendly doggie. lily loves tennis balls to a fault, swimming, the word “food”, giant stuffed animals, eating popcorn, burying her head in anyone’s lap, her uncle/boyfriend matt, playing with her best dogfriend gracie and attention of any kind. on top of all the normal dog tricks, she knows the names of all of her toys and can bring them to you on command. she also plays soccer better than me. lily hates any mention of the words “ears” and “stinky” due to her frequent ear infections (we can’t keep her out of the swimming pool) and visibly pouts when people leave our house. she also wins the award for world’s hairiest dog and no matter how often you brush her, she will quickly cover everything in sight with her fur. we still love her though. she is our silly lily and as human as a dog can get. don’t ever leave us lily, okay?
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my pretty girl.

Oct 14, 2008


seriously, how cute is she? i know moms are supposed to think their children are beautiful but she is just so pretty and girly already. i love how long her eyelashes are (thanks daddy!) and how her cheeks are so chubby they rest on her shoulders. adorable. now we just have to work on getting that feeding tube out of her nose. her first feeding therapy session went amazingly well. her therapist, jenn, thinks claire will get the hang of her bottle in no time and before we know it we’ll be on to mastering solid foods. i am so thankful we’ve found her. she’s so encouraging and helpful, just what i needed to take a little bit of the worry away! our next meeting with her is on friday. can’t wait!

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top 5.

Oct 12, 2008

i love lists. i also love when we do icebreakers at the beginning of our church smallgroup that involve our favorites about a certain topic. it’s so fun to share yours and then hear what your friends love about something too. anyway, since halloween is approaching, i thought i’d share my top 5 candy loves. this is on my mind since my halloween candy stash in hiding in my kitchen cupboard and i am doing my best to avoid stealing some from my future trick-or-treaters. here you have it-

top 5 candy loves

  1. kit kat: my absolute favorite.
  2. take 5: chocolate, caramel, pb and pretzels!? yum!
  3. sour patch kids: i will eat them until my tongue is raw from the sourness.
  4. plain m&ms: mixed with popcorn is my ultimate movie snack.
  5. hot tamales: they are so weird but so addicting.

now it’s your turn. what are your top 5 candies?
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my mom.

Oct 9, 2008

nana and clairewhen claire was finally discharged from the hospital for good on september 14th, my mom came and stayed with us for a week. she cooked for us, held claire so i could sleep, cleaned our house, gave just the right amount of advice and provided the steadfast support i needed as a new mommy facing very difficult circumstances. as the end of that week approached, i asked her to live with me. she didn’t think adrian would go for that. but what i was trying to say in a humourous way was how amazed i am to have such a giving and loving mother. as the weeks have gone on, she has continued to be a source of comfort, companionship and strength. i’ve always known that i have an exceptional mother but since claire has arrived it’s like there is this new layer to our relationship. i couldn’t be more thankful.

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well i don’t have much to say today. miss claire has been quite cranky for the past few hours, courtesy of a gassy tummy.

we had some good news yesterday that claire will NOT need a hip brace for the time being. her pediatrician said the looseness is not too severe and she would just want to do a repeat hip ultrasound in a few months. we also cancelled all her neuro appointments today. we began to feel really uncomfortable with the idea of the CT scan and exposing her to radiation for a non-emergency situation. she’s already had quite a few x-rays which makes us want to limit any more of them. i’ve realized with all of the medical interventions she needs that you really have to research things and not take doctors at their word. with so many specialists involved, they really do not do a great job of communicating with each other and it forces parents to decipher what is best for their child. in my opinion, the more we are able to allow claire to be a normal baby and give her time to grow the better. so all that brain stuff is on hold for now.

instead we enjoyed a beautiful lunch date with daddy and even lily at joe’s farm grill. sitting in the shade under the huge trees, enjoying lemonade and sweet potato fries- it was a lovely day. that is until the gas monster arrived. 🙂i'm mad!

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